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New Winslow S8E43

 Roman had already called him twice, so Noah knew that the next step was going to be Roman showing up at their front door. And then getting stuck again for the next twenty years of his life because Noah had ignored his calls. So when the phone rang a third time, he picked up.

“Hi.”

“Hey, bud. What’s going on?”

Roman knew what was going on. Of course he did, that was why he was calling for the third time in half an hour. Noah didn’t know which of his friends had told him, but he had a pretty good idea. And he couldn’t bring himself to be mad at Liv for it. Or, more accurately, he didn’t want to be mad at her because she was the one being a good friend and he was the one being an alcoholic fuckup. 

“You already know.”

Well, the snarky comment was getting out anyway. There was a short pause and then Roman said, “Yeah, I do. Are you alright?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry.”

“Relapses are part of it.”

“Yeah.”

“Want to talk about it?”

Not even a little. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

There was a quick knock on his front door, then it opened and Andrew came in, his Forest Charms nametag still pinned to his shirt. He noticed Noah on the phone and held his hand up to his ear in an impression of holding his own invisible phone. Getting my mobile, he mouthed, moving quickly past Noah into his bedroom.

“Look,” Noah said. “I’m fine, okay?”

“Let’s get some coffee and go to a meeting. There’s one in Petersham that-”

“No.”

Noah’s heart was hammering in his chest and his mouth was dry. “No, I can’t do any more meetings. I can’t, it’s not- No, I’m done.”

“Noah,” Roman’s voice was gentle. “Man, it’s okay.”

“I mean it,” Noah said, his hand shaking as he ran it over his face. “I can’t do any more AA meetings. I just need to be left alone.”

“We don’t have to go then,” Roman said. “I’ll come get you, we can just get a coffee.”

“No, do not come into town,” Noah snapped. “You’ll get stuck, and it’s not worth it. I just want you to leave me alone, alright?”

Maybe Roman would just hang up. He had a temper. If Noah could piss him off enough, he’d hang up and no one else would be putting themselves at risk for him. “Seriously, I don’t fucking want to see you,” he continued. “You’re pushy and sanctimonious and so goddamn overbearing and I’m sick of it. So just stay the hell away from me so I can burn down another goddamn building.”

There was a long pause and for a second, he thought it had worked. Then Roman actually laughed. “Noah,” he said. “I got a sixteen year old. You thought that would work?”

Fuck. “No, I mean it,” Noah said, and he could tell his desperation was getting more obvious as he paced the living room. “I’m not going back to AA. I can’t do it anymore, man. I just can’t do it.”

Do what? Go to meetings? He didn’t follow the steps, so maybe he shouldn’t be there anyway. Be sober? Maybe? Noah wasn’t even sure what he meant, so there was no way he could clear it up for Roman. “Just leave me alone,” he repeated.

“I don’t think you should be alone right now.”

“I’m fine,” he insisted, which he was. “I won’t… I won’t, like, drink or hurt myself or something. I promise I won’t. Just leave me alone.”

“Can you just stay on the phone for a little bit? I’m really nervous leaving you alone like this.”

“It’s fine.”

There were a few seconds of silence. Then Roman said, “Alright, but I’m here, okay? If you need anything. I don’t care what time it is.”

The fact that Roman relented so quickly was surprising and he tried not to let that show. “Yeah,” Noah said. “Yeah, thanks.”

He hung up, letting the hand holding the phone drop to his side. Then he heard a noise behind him in his bedroom doorway and realized he’d forgotten Andrew was there. And he’d heard everything. 

“Andrew-”

“I texted him that I was here,” Andrew said. “I said I’d stay with you. I’m sorry, but I’m not leaving. But I’ll give you some privacy if you want it.”

Noah sat heavily on the old sofa and shook his head. “It’s fine,” he said. “You don’t have to stay.”

“Yeah, sure. You want to watch something, or…?”

“I mean, you don’t have to stay with me.”

“I know.”

But he wasn’t leaving, was he? And now Andrew was going to waste his life here. “I want you to fucking leave,” Noah said, forcing the heat and a disdain he didn’t feel into his voice, even as it hurt. “That’s what you’re good at, so go do it.”

Andrew flinched and Noah could see that this time, the poison had hit its target. He closed his eyes and braced for the impact, once again reminding himself that this was best for Andrew.

“Fuck you, Noah,” Andrew said, shaking his head with a huffed laugh.

Noah waited for him to storm out of the apartment. But the door didn’t slam and he opened his eyes to see Andrew walking over to the small DVD shelf. He pulled one out. “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid sound good?” he asked, as though Noah hadn’t said anything horrible. “Blimey, you still have VHSes up here. Do you even have a VCR?”

“No, I mean-”

“I know what you mean, you knob. And it’s not working on me either, so stop.”

His voice was light as he put the movie in the player and picked up the remote, bringing it over and sitting down beside Noah. He reached an arm around Noah’s back, steering his head down onto his own shoulder. And finally, Noah relented, letting himself rest against Andrew for a few minutes. He’d be strong enough to leave in a little while. For now, Andrew kissed the top of his head and they didn’t say anything else as the movie started.

——

A few hours later, Noah was alone in his apartment for a little while. He’d asked Andrew for a little privacy to make some calls, but then he was going to have to just be honest and end things. And he was dreading that even more than the call he was about to make.

Now that he’d completely wrecked things with Roman, it was time to do the same by apologizing to Jude for last night. Noah couldn’t quite remember everything, he’d been that drunk again. But he’d called Jude, Jude and Sarabeth got him in the car, and the next thing he remembered was Cleo waking him up on Jude’s sofa. And now he needed to suck it up and apologize for that, before he finally had the last conversation he ever wanted to have.

“Noah!” Jude greeted him warmly after the first ring. “Hey, babe, how are you feeling?”

“Jude, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jude replied, “I’m always here, you know that.”

“Not like that,” Noah said, his face burning as he paced his living room. “I shouldn’t have called you and made my problem your problem. That was completely inappropriate. I’m so sorry, I’ll never do that again.”

Jude was quiet for a second. “Noah, are we friends?”

“What?” Not at all the response he’d expected.

“Are we friends? You know, even if we’re not doing the whole ‘with benefits’ part anymore?”

“Yeah, of course we are.” Now he was just confused. 

“Then please, just believe me when I say that I want to be there for you. Babe, I know your history, you told me everything. And you’re not the first addict I’ve ever met, not by a long shot. I told you that.”

He had, and Noah had completely dismissed it, hadn’t he? “But-”

“No, no buts,” Jude said, and for the first time there was a hint of frustration there. “You needed help last night, you called me, I kept you safe. Someday it’ll be the other way around. That’s how this works.”

He remembered Andrew suddenly, in that hot parking lot after his first post-rehab relapse. “Even when we’re here screaming for you to listen to us, that we’re here to help fix it, you won’t listen,” Andrew had said, pacing furiously in the dust as Noah had stared up at him.

“Look,” Jude said in the present day. “Either we’re friends or we’re not. And if we’re not, well, that’ll be really disappointing because I think you’re a great guy. But if we are, then please, let me be your friend. I’ve been worried about you lately. Ask Cleo, I was telling her about it.”

Cleo hadn’t mentioned a word of that, not that Noah would have listened. “I’m serious,” Jude insisted as Noah’s resolve crumbled around him once again. “Someday you’re going to get a call and it’ll be me. I’ll have finally bought a big, beautiful house that I need to take care of myself, and there will be some repair that will just make me cry. And I know I’m only going to have to ask and you’ll be here, my hero with the toolkit. And you’re going to save me.”

“You really need to get a toolbox,” Noah said, his voice creaky as he wiped at his eyes. “Why don’t you have one?”

But Jude was right that Noah would be there. He thought he’d been subtle about his glances around Jude’s apartment when he was looking for some way to contribute as Jude cooked them dinner. But apparently not.

“And another thing?” Jude said. “So Andrew. Andrew is so ridiculously in love with you. For real, every time he saw me at your house, he wanted to throw me out the window.”

Noah choked on a laugh. “Seriously?”

“Seriously. He hated my guts and he’ll never admit it.”

“I had no idea.”

“No, of course you didn’t. So you should really let him take care of you too.”

Not if he broke up with Andrew as soon as this call was over. But Noah didn’t actually want to do that, did he?

“You have friends,” Jude said. “I’m one of them. My couch is open any time. I’d say my bed too, but…”

Now the laugh felt more real. “I’m sorry.”

“Apologize one more time and you’re buying me a cup of coffee.”

“I owe you more than that.”

“Stop, I mean it. I was happy to do it. I’m here if you need to talk. But I’m also here to help, however it looks, okay?”

“Yeah.”

“And I’m sure everyone else has said the same thing?”

He laughed, wiping his eyes. “Yeah.”

“Then listen to them.”

Noah hung up the phone a few minutes later, just as Andrew was walking back into the apartment. “I made you a cup of tea since I wanted one,” he said, handing Noah a steaming mug. “Did you want to talk about something?”

Noah shook his head. “No,” he said. “Can we just sit for a little while?”

———-

CONTINUE TO EPISODE 44

———-

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The Northern Worcester County branch of the Foundation for Paranormal Research is one of the organization’s top investigation and cleanup teams. So when a case comes in involving a century of mysterious disappearances, they figure they’ll be done before their lunch break is supposed to end. Investigators James and Amelia go to the site while their coworkers remain behind. But in seconds, Amelia vanishes in the cursed house and the others are forced to find her with no help from their bosses. Will they be able to get her back or will the house claim one final victim?

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