At Home with Janie 4

EPISODE 4: A CHAT OVER BEER

Janie sits on her couch with a beer, trying to both figure out what to do next and ignore what is very obviously happening in her home. However, as she speaks throughout the scene, there is a faint, but audible tapping noise underneath her speech. 

JANIE (A LITTLE TIPSY)

Welcome back to At Home with Janie. Featuring the haunted hellhole on which Janie took out a 30-year mortgage. 

She takes a slug of beer. 

JANIE

So Mike left. The contractor? The guy who tried to put up cabinets in my kitchen for like a month? Yeah, he’s gone. Quit on me this morning. No notice, no nothing. Just 

(mimicking Mike’s thick Boston accent)

 “Look lady, I tried but this ain’t happening. You want my opinion, it ain’t a contractor you need. You gotta get the church in here.” 

(back to her normal voice)

Gave me the info for his priest, which I guess was nice of him, but he’s done. So, you know, there’s a ton of money down the drain with nothing to show for it. That fucking asshole. I hope he falls off a fucking ladder. 

She stops short, a little thrown off by her own anger. 

JANIE (CONT’D)

Wait, no, I don’t mean that. That’s horrible. And that’s another thing lately. I feel so, so angry. Not like, frustrated or irritated, but angry. Furious. Like I can feel the rage squeezing at my heart until I can’t think of anything else. And then it’s gone. But I’m so scared it’ll come back. Because I know it isn’t my anger. It’s not coming from me. 

She pops open another beer and takes a sip. 

JANIE (SCARED)

There’s something in this house. And it’s really angry. I can’t tell if it’s angry at me specifically or more at the world in general. But I truly, genuinely don’t know what to do now. Does anybody have any ideas? I’m so lost. I’m not a ghost hunter! I don’t want to get involved in any of that shit! Like, at all! I’ve never believed in it, but even as a fake thing I never liked it. So, like, all the things online saying to bring in a Ouija board and ask it what it wants? No. No no no no no no no. 

Another sip. Janie sighs. 

JANIE (CONT’D)

I’d kill for a cigarette right now. Anyway, I’ve been doing some research but it’s so hard to separate the real stuff from the fake. Or else everything that looks kind of legitimate is out in like California. So I can’t exactly fly somebody out here to get this…this thing out of my house. I saw some lady over in Wellesley that I might keep in mind, but I just don’t know anymore. Does anybody listening have any suggestions?

(a little quieter)

Is anyone actually listening anymore? I guess I kinda pulled a little bit of a bait and switch with the topic of this podcast, huh. I guess I owe an apology to anyone who was listening for the home improvement part. 

Janie pauses, a little dramatically. 

JANIE (DISGUSTED)

Home improvement. There’s no improving this place. I’m still hoping I can figure something out though. I spent so much money on this house.I can’t afford to just up and leave it. And I can’t just sell it, knowing what’s going on. I can’t…no, it’s just not right. Even if… 

Janie clearly wants to sell the house. 

JANIE

NO. That’s immoral. You are NOT. SELLING. THIS. HOUSE. Even if your first mortgage payment is due tomorrow. And even if there’s a tapping noise that WON’T FUCKING STOP I CAN HEAR YOU, YOU KNOW? 

The tapping stops. There is a moment of quiet, then something shatters further into the house. 

Janie makes a noise somewhere between a laugh and a cry. 

JANIE (CONT’D)

I don’t know. I think I’m just going to go to bed. I’ve been sleeping in the living room because it seems to be the least…active room lately. And I maxed out my credit card on those stupid cabinets so I can’t exactly go to a hotel every night. So I’m just gonna…yeah… 

Janie stands up, a little unsteady. 

JANIE (CONT’D)

Wait, who – 

The recording ends abruptly. 

END PART 4