At Home with Janie 1

EPISODE 1: WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Janie is a first-time podcaster who has decided to take advantage of her renovation plans to create a new program. She is a little naive about what she’s getting into but knows what she wants to accomplish. In the background, the listener can hear faint city sounds outside of an open window. They are faint but add to the air of calm and peacefulness that surely won’t last. 

JANIE

Hi everyone! Uhh, welcome to At Home with Janie, a podcast focused on the home renovation experience! I’m your host, Janie Simmons. 

She clears her throat, a little unsure where to go next. 

JANIE (CONT’D)

So yeah! Um, let me start by telling you a little bit about my plans for this series. Recently I purchased a 1960s ranch-style home in Waltham, Massachusetts. And while the location is great and the yard is adorable, the house is…well… 

Another short pause as she tries to diplomatically describe it. She is too sweet to say that the house is atrocious and risk insulting any of her listeners. 

JANIE (CONT’D) (CONT’D)

Well, it’s not my cup of tea, I guess. But I’ve always been a DIY type of girl so I’ve decided I’m going to change that! And I want to take you along the journey as I make this little house into the home of my dreams! Basically, my plan for this podcast is to show you the reality behind the home renovation process. You know, the warts and all look at it. The all access pass, if you will… 

She chuckles a little awkwardly. 

JANIE (CONT’D) (CONT’D)

But I guess my hope here is that I can inspire people to realize that the projects they dream of accomplishing can be done. If a twenty-five year old single woman can renovate her whole house with minimal help, what’s stopping you, you know? 

Janie claps her hands once as she refocuses. 

JANIE (CONT’D) (CONT’D)

So yeah, my first project is going to be the kitchen. It needs just a touch of work. So this season is going to focus on redoing the kitchen from top to bottom. Just to give you a rundown of what the problem areas are, first, there’s a slight smoky smell that won’t go away. As a former smoker, there’s nothing I hate more than the smell of cigarette smoke and it seems like the smell is pretty embedded into the walls. Then, the cabinets. They aren’t terrible looking, I guess. The avocado green isn’t really my thing, but they could be easily painted. However, they do have a tendency to swing open by themselves, which somehow leads to everything inside of them ending up on the floor. So they need to go. I’ve already found some replacements at Home Depot and will hopefully be installing those myself later this week. I’m also going to have an electrician come out to check the lights. I want to add recessed lighting underneath the new cabinets and maybe, if my budget allows, a small chandelier over the kitchen table. But before that, I need to make sure there’s no issues with the wiring. The lights keep turning on and off at night and I’m a little concerned some critters might have chewed through something. I also need to get the windows checked. Every night it sounds like someone is whispering in here and it’s super creepy. There’s some really, um, interesting paisley curtains on all of them and I don’t see them blowing around, but you can definitely hear a breeze when the windows are shut. So clearly there’s something wrong with the seals on the windows and that’s going to KILL my heating budget this winter. Which, considering how drafty this room is, is something I really don’t need. 

Janie’s phone beeps, signalling that it’s turning off. 

JANIE (MUTTERING)

What the hell, it was just at forty-six percent… 

She sighs. 

JANIE

That’s another thing. My electronics keep acting up. Not just in the kitchen, but mostly in here. I’m assuming that’s also connected with the wiring, but I’ll have to ask the electrician. So yeah, as you can see, I’ve got my work cut out for me. With the exception of these few things, I plan to do the rest of it myself with help from the Internet and some of my favorite DIY podcasts. I’ll be ripping up the linoleum and praying to find hardwoods underneath, painting the walls a less…vivid color,and  searching high and low for the best kitchen furniture. I’m sure other things will pop up along the way as well. So I hope you’ll join me every week and follow along with my quest for the cutest, most comfortable house in Greater Boston. Tune in next week for – 

She is interrupted by the clattering of dishes falling out of the cabinets around her. Every single cabinet has opened in unison and emptied its contents. 

JANIE (CONT’D)

Um… 

END OF PART 1